Change your life by changing your habits

For a lot of people, this time of year is a moment of reflection. As we think back on 2023, we reflect on what we've learnt and experienced, goals we've achieved, people we've met, relationships we've developed...

In a nutshell: we think about what went well - and what could have gone better.

HOW 2023 WENT FOR ME

My sister shared a funny meme with me the other day from the series Friends. In the first clip entitled “January”, Ross says in a determined voice : “I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy”. In the second clip entitled “December”, he cries out in a high pitched voice: “I am still alive!”

Quite frankly, that's a bit what this year has felt like for me.

I had great expectations for 2023. And to be truthful, I have seen some amazing breakthroughs.

I quit my office job in a way that enabled me to get some unemployment benefits, which was a miracle in itself. I prepared and launched a life coaching business. I have intentionally connected with amazing people that have inspired and encouraged me along the way.

But somehow, all of these things I had hoped for came with more difficulty than I expected. They required effort and many adjustments. Change is always a challenge, and while some people thrive on it... others find it more taxing.

For me, the constant uncertainty and the huge task in front of me triggered fear and pain. Although I still felt grateful, especially for the opportunity to launch my own business, I also felt run down, stressed and discouraged by the end of December.

ATOMIC HABITS

In the midst of all this, I stumbled on the book “Atomic habits - An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones” by James Clear.

In a nutshell, the author states that while setting and achieving goals has some benefits, it is more efficient to develop systems made out of tiny habits, that consistently keep us on a way of continuous improvement.

This rocked my world.

I had reached an important milestone I had worked towards for months, which gave me a big dopamine high! But soon afterwards, I felt overwhelmed by the challenge of developing my coaching practice and all the things I needed to do to keep going.

That's the thing: when we set ourselves goals, we may (or may not) achieve them at some point. When we do get there, we feel good – but it is only for a moment in time. What happens afterwards?

Some people keep setting more goals and chasing the next thing ahead of them. Others lull back into a routine, and may even get back to where they were before.

For instance, there are numerous stories of people who set themselves an ambitious goal to lose weight. Through hardcore dieting, discipline and intense exercise, they finally get there – only to gain it back some time later. They did momentarily achieve their goal, but they didn't have a system to back it up and maintain it.

So instead of focusing on goals, we can think about areas in our lives where we want to improve and consistently implement habits, even tiny ones, that keep us on the track to where we want to go.

It's not so much about our starting point, but rather about the direction we go towards with consistency. The habits in themselves may seem marginal on their own but stacked together, they make a solid system that keep us on track.

To help you visualise it, think about an area in your life where you want to make some positive changes. If you improve by only 1% each day, you will have improved 37 times at the end of the year. Not by 37%, but 37 times! Now that's something to look forward to.

Small choices don't make much of a difference at the time, but they bring amazing change over the long-term.

For me, one habit I want to pursue in the next year is to read (or listen to) a non-fictional book for at least 15 minutes a day. I have always loved stories and I don't need an incentive to read novels - but I do struggle with “theoretical” books. However, I can see the benefit of them.

So if I read such a book for only 15 minutes a day, it is much better than nothing (and knowing myself, I may even end up reading more on some days). Over time, I will read several non-fictional books per year. Check!

TRACKING YOUR PROGRESS

Funny how things happen sometimes. In the midst of my reflections about habits, my brother told me he had just downloaded a habit tracker app. Intrigued, I checked it out and downloaded it the same day.

I have set up the app with several daily, weekly or monthly habits I want to implement. Whenever I have completed a task, I can simply swipe it to mark it as completed.

This gives me an immediate satisfaction (something that we can lack when we do small things over long periods of time), which in turn keeps me motivated.

Some people prefer to mark it down on a calendar or some other visual medium. Not only does it give us some sort of visual accountability, but it also shows us the bigger picture of what we have achieved so far.

And frankly – if we don't complete one of my tiny habits one day, that's OK too. We just get back at it the next day and continue to walk in the direction we want to go.

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I hope this inspires you as much as it inspired me!

So, what tiny habits do you want to put into place this year?

What small changes can you implement consistently to help you improve some areas of your life?

And how can you keep yourself motivated?

Remember that it's not the size of the habits that count, rather their consistency. Even if it seems tiny to you, I encourage you to start somewhere.

And then, you simply keep going.